Words of Wisdom
A human being is a part of the whole called by us “the universe,” a part limited in time and space. He experiences himself, his thoughts and feelings, as something separate from the rest—a kind of optical delusion of consciousness. This delusion is a kind of prison for us, restricting us to our personal desires and affection of a few persons nearest to us. Our task must be to free ourselves from this prison by widening our circle of understanding and compassion to embrace all living creatures and the whole of nature in its beauty.

ALBERT EINSTEIN

Progress in small increments
Mood:  cool
The PT raised my arm almost completely over my head without me screaming and crying too much today. I can touch my forehead with my left hand, yippee. There will be a big celebration when i can do my own ponytail.
Also discovered today that i can type with both hands. That's nice. The emails will be a lot easier to write now. I hated hunting and pecking with one finger. boring and slow!

Also, i get to go back to work on Wednesday. Sure do miss the kids. yahoo.

So Where is Spring?
Mood:  chillin'
Two days ago we were strolling under a warm sun enjoying the first hints of blossoms in our short sleeve t-shirts. Today, i am bundled in my woolies and knit cap and watching the snow drift down. The weather forecaster says that "winter" is taking one last fighting jab at "spring."
Go, spring, go.

Hairy Hospital
Mood:  don't ask
Mon. Feb. 28th
Yahoo. I am going home tomorrow morning. This weekend was sooooo boring. The odors, food, heat, and noises that didn't seem so bad really were too much on Sunday. I am so ready to go back home to fresh air, clean smelling sheets, a home cooked meal with something besides white rice and daikon, and my own bathroom. Simple pleasures.

Fri. Feb. 25th
I got permission to go home today for a few hours to call my Dad on his 78th birthday. I decided yesterday that since i can get away that i may as well relieve some of the suspense and get my 2nd opinion now. "Carpe Diem."
After calling Dad i caught a taxi to a bigger hospital downtown that was recommended to me by a few friends. Didik and Sanae met me there. Now that was funny. The Dr. spoke Japanese to Sanae. She translated to Indonesian to Didik and he translated to English for me. Hah. In just a few short hours i had a written note from my new doctor who said as long as i'm careful that it's ok to go back to work when i'm released from the hospital. Also, he says that it's perfectly ok to travel with my friend at the end of March - just don't fall down again. He confirmed that it is truly a bad break and that i will need to be cautious. No bike riding, hiking and avoid the crowds. I can live with that. What a relief.

Like magic i was sent for another x-ray when i returned. Dr. Mean had received a call from my new doctor. Who knows what was said, but the attitude has cooled and Dr. Mean was much nicer to me! He finally switched my meds as i requested almost a week ago. The x-ray looks the same which he says is good news. It's healing and the bone chips haven't moved. Yahoo.

Tues. Feb. 22nd
Big Meeting Day
Sakurai and Fujioka senseis (my bosses) are here early to check in with me before the big meeting. My dear and dedicated friend, Osawa-sama, is here early as well. We sit and talk in the dining room until 10:15 before we begin checking with the head nurse. Yes, we are in the right place and Sasaki is aware of our 10 am meeting. At 10:30 we ask again - is he delayed in surgery? No, he's making rounds to visit patients. Osawa has taken a half-day vacation to be here and needs to be back at Kobe Univ. for classes soon. At 10:40 Dr. Sasaki shows up with no apology. He puts up some x-rays on the wall. The one he showed me with the mystery bone chips is absent, but there's a new one that i have never seen before. It is a composite made up of little squares each with a little different view of many floating bone chips. He explains that i shouldn't be traveling at all. No train, bus, or bicycle. I cannot go home early as i have requested. I shouldn't go back to Yamaguchi at all this month and furthermore i shouldn't even go traveling with my girlfriend at the end of March! Good grief. He says that he's not sure if the bone chips will cause problems. I will not regain full range of motion but he says that for "normal living" I don't need to reach over my head! Good grief. That does piss me off. He says that in 1, 2, or 3 months he MAY determine that i need more surgery but it is all very vague. Osawa is a great translator and advises me to follow the doctor's orders. This is a very different song than what was sung on Sat. and i like Saturday's tune much better

Sakurai came back in the evening with all the details about medical leave etc. She and the Center are being very understanding and supportive. I am determined to follow the rules until my release. I am in the process of finding the best bone specialist around and right after my release will get a second opinion. Things just aren't jiving. One of my teacher friend's has advised me to beware and make sure that those are my x-rays that i was shown. He says that this is a bad doctor and shouldn't be trusted. Hm. That's what my friend's girlfriend told me, and she works in the medical field. She told me that i would get no straight answers and that this doc is arrogant and threatening especially to women. Oh, maybe that explains why -in the meeting - he grabbed my bad arm and raised it rather quickly (without any warning to me) to demonstrate how far i could lift it without pain. Freaked me out because my PT is so gentle and gradually warms up my arm before he has ever lifted it that far! I am getting the feeling that this difficulty is a bit beyond just a language barrier. We have entered the realm of cultural barriers as well as some specific personality barriers. Admittedly, I am a stubborn, self-willed American woman. Thank goodness for that - it is now time to take the initiative and get the facts. It will be a relief to get out of here and get a second opinion. The next one, no matter what it is, I guess I will have to live with. It just has to make sense to me and not feel punitive. Whew, what a long strange trip this has been.

Mon., Feb. 21st

i am lucky to have a "rehabili" person who speaks very good English. The break is bad and one jar and the piece of bone could pop loose from the two screws holding it in place. One good bump or twist and it would shatter and then i haven't a clue what would happen. I JUST CANNOT GET BUMPED OR HEAVEN FORBID FALL DOWN FOR QUITE AWHILE. Sure glad i got a lot of hiking in already. i have been on some pretty awesome trails that will be impossible for me now.

I will know more later but right now i am in the hospital for three weeks. I don't like it but it forces me to just sit and not injure myself more. The next 3 months are crucial and as i understand - i won't be able to lift my arm for the entire 3 months. I am working with a PT every day and he is having me do some passive movements and flexing my lower arm and trying to get my elbow to unlock from being in a sling all the time.

The lack of communication (language barrier) is the most frustrating. Simple things like not understanding the announcements about signing up for a shower today means that i miss out on a much-needed shower and the next one is 3 days away - arggghhh.


Sat. Feb. 19th
Dr. Nita, my "good guy" doctor, came in this morning to change the dressing on my incision and take the stitches out. Since he doesn't speak English I called Shinobu and had him talk to her and tell her what's up with my condition and what to expect. They spoke in Japanese for quite awhile and she took notes. I was relieved when dear Shinobu sent me an email with all the translated details. Basically that at the end of three weeks I will be 30% healed. At the end of three months the bone will be 100% healed. I can deal with that. He outlined the progress of my current and future PT. No mention of any complications. Whew.


Lack of communication Part II

At the beginning of my stay here one of my nurses asked me a question in Japanese over and over again. I didn't have a clue what she was trying to ask me. Finally she backed out frustrated and embarrassed and returned in just a few minutes with a notepad and a simple drawing of a rear end with a pile of shit under it! Question: "Have you had a bowel movement today?" After that, one of the English-speaking nurses taught me how to do some of my own charting. I now chart what percentage of each meal I eat and if I take a shit every morning. hah


Friday, Feb. 18th

The attitude sagged a bit for a few days. I've convinced the powers - by crying uncontrollably for a whole day - that i needed to seriously burn off some nervous energy.
I am now going daily to the PT room for a two-hour plus session and cranking my heart rate up to 130+ and back down a few times on a funky stationary bike. Now the endorphins are kicking in, and i'm actually tired and hungry and in a much better mood at the end of the day so i can sleep! Simple pleasures. Another important discovery was that the wonderful nurses kept filling my thermos with tea, and it took me awhile to realize that i was severely caffeinated! Friends brought me some chamomile tea bags, which made an incredible difference.

I am blessed with so many dedicated friends that i haven't had much time to myself which is funny. I have actually had to tell people NOT to come because i need some down time.

Here is the latest news:
I have lost the privilege to walk to my apartment for a few hours during the day. A friend is carrying my laptop home to upload my messages and then downloading all my new messages and carrying the laptop back to me.

There may be complications but the language barrier is immense so won't know for sure till next Tuesday when i can get together a good translator and the Surgeon who has refused to use a translator because he is proud and thinks he can communicate in English. He has reduced me to tears because i can't understand him. Finally i just refused to talk to him without a translator - a very tough situation. The segment of my bone that is screwed back in place may have two chips that broke off. These chips MAY be floating around in my rotator cuff. But then again maybe i misunderstood. The x-ray is ugly. The worst-case scenario is that i need another surgery. Best-case scenario is that i get out of here on March 1st with maybe very limited movement of my arm. Right now i am just praying that i can slip a t-shirt over my head and brush my hair by March 1st.

If i never see white rice again it will be too soon. ha ha. Food is healthy and wholesome but white rice twice a day is boring. I am craving a good fat slice of whole wheat bread toasted with honey and butter. Again - simple pleasures

Hospital Blues
Mood:  smelly
Oh my good goodness, i'm type "A" blood type! The Japanese equate blood type with personality type. Hah.

News Update. I will be presented with a bill today. I was a tad bit nervous about having to pay cash for this operation. Must i stay here forever and scrub toilets to pay off the debt? I was told that I would be responsible for 30% of the total bill but 30% of what? What a relief when I got the estimate yesterday. My total bill for a 2.5-hour surgery with two attending surgeons and one week's stay in the hospital, all x-rays, tests, pills... is ?120,000. That's about $1,000. I wonder what a similar surgery would set me back in the states. By the way, since I am sharing a room with four other women, my room is free.

Mon. Feb 14th
We are living in a historical period in which we understand that it is necessary for all of us to be conscious and active in our world. None of us can ignore this call to action. And yet, if we do not practice zazen, whether we call it zazen or whatever we call it and however we do it, we cannot act in any accurate way. There has been plenty of action--too much action. What we need is not more action, we need enlightened action. And this means letting go of action.
NORMAN FISCHER

Hospital Potty Humor

Easily offended? Skip this entry kusasai.

Japanese heated toilet seats probably will never make my "Must Have List" but I have to admit that a pleasant stream of warm water on my bottom after a dump is so refreshing, tee hee.

Amusing Hospital Tale
Mood:  silly
I'm sitting on my bed watching a sad movie ("Return to Me") on my laptop with the curtain drawn. There's a stack of soggy Kleenex by my side, and i'm crying many tears for this poor, sad, lovesick couple when in tiptoes one of my dear Japanese friends, Kitano-sama. She has a shocked, concerned look on her face. She must think that i am dying. She speaks only a bit of English so it takes me a few precious moments to explain to her that the tears are only over the movie. The look of concern and stress melt from her face and we both have a good laugh.

Hospital Tales
Mood:  chatty
I've never been in a hospital so there's nothing i can compare this experience to.
I've visited friends in the hospital in the states and in Japan so i can guess what it's like.

Here's some, i think, unusual (for us spoiled Americans) Japanese hospital facts:
These may be unique to this hospital but i don't intend to do any more personal research in any more hospitals, Japanese or American.

List of things to bring to check in: 2 bath towels and 3 hand towels, bring your own toothbrush, toothpaste, shampoo, pillow, chopsticks, spoon, thermos for tea, garbage can liners. Purchase your own "hospital uniform" (rather flattering in pale blue and white VERTICAL stripes - Martha would approve). Bring your own bandages, arm sling, "plasters" (magical patches to stick on your skin to reduce swelling and pain - they smell a bit like menthol), box of kleenex, surgical cap and urine bag...

Official form to sign including an agreement that includes:
? I will obey all hospital rules
? Doctor is in charge of all decisions
? I will not disturb other patients
? If I misbehave they can kick me out
? My boss and her boss have to sign to take responsibility if i misbehave

Doctor suggests that i remain in the hospital for three weeks! I say "No way!" He just smiles and says that Japanese ways are different. But i'm American!

Three square meals a day served in the dining room on this floor. You are expected to bus your own table if you are able. Encouraged to feed yourself if at all possible even if you are shaking like a leaf or just being an obstinate old man who wants someone to feed him. Nurses are gentle, positive, and encouraging. Food is very nutritious and delicious if you enjoy Japanese cuisine - which i do. A significant lack of fat, fried foods and no desserts! Very satisfying meals and i am full and not craving anything.

The only laundry done here is the sheets on your bed once a week and your hospital uniform. Everything else including wet towels and washcloths must be laundered by the patient/family at home. Think about this. Most use bicycles to commute and most of my friends work. This can be a logistical nightmare. Luckily, since i have permission to walk home with a friend, IF i can arrange an escort, i can bring my laundry home and wash and throw in the drier to be picked up in the next few days.


Saturday, Feb. 12

Another sip of fresh air
Miwa-sama and Akemi will escort me today to my beloved apartment. yahoo.

Hospital tales
Mood:  smelly
Friday, Feb. 11

My first taste of freedom

Sasaki-sensei has graciously granted me the UNIQUE privilege of walking to my apartment for a short period of time. After an all time low with very little sleep last night (i may have over did my first physical therapy exercises yesterday) ) i am elated with the idea to just take a 10 minute walk to my home sweet home. Doug shows up to be the required escort. He wheels my laptop along for me on his trusty bike. There's just enough time to throw my towels and underwear in the washer. Kayleigh, Doug's grown-up 10-year-old daughter, helps me get undressed for a much appreciated first shower. Ahhhh (there are only two days a week at the hospital when women can use the showers - at least that's what i understand so far). Being on the fourth floor with 4 old ladies as room companions - you can imagine that the room is too hot for me and i am sweating most of the time - pee yew!


Tuesday, Feb. 8th
For some reason i thought surgery was at 4pm this day. I was wondering how to remain calm all day long in this hospital bed. I did a half hour meditation, repeating my mantram constantly, listening to my favorite Bach CD, reading some fantasy novel when the doctor (Sasaki-sensei) came in and told me that i would be prepped at 11:30 and surgery at 1pm. Yikes, again, not much time to worry much. Fujioka-sensei, my boss and angel from yesterday was going to be with me before and after but now i worried that she wouldn't get here till after it was over. My cell phone has been invaluable. A quick call and she was here in plenty of time. Of course all i remember is being wheeled into the operating room, a cute guy showing me a mask and saying "oxygen" and then a "sayonara" drifted in and zap - the void! I remember bits and pieces of waking up. I remember asking Fujioka over and over for something and being very confused when she kept handing me my chopsticks over and over again. Finally she asked me to explain what i wanted. I pantomimed putting lipstick on. I had been asking for CHAPSTICK! Hah.

One of my nurses said i cried and was very scared. Connie says i let fly with a few choice swear words. I remember begging for water or ice, which, of course, they couldn't give me. Friends drifted in and out of my consciousness, weird.


On Monday morning, 9 am, my boss, translator, and personal angel (Fujioka-sensei)
("sensei" is used to refer to teachers, doctors, and respected professionals)
picked me up and drove me back to the hospital. We looked at some pretty gruesome looking CT x-rays and i realized surgery was a MUST. A big bone chip was lodged in my shoulder socket and i would never again be able to lift my left arm again - not to mention the on-going pain - if it wasn't repaired.

Many tests, papers to fill out, more x-rays and a trip to my apartment and i dropped, exhausted, into my first ever hospital bed at 4 pm. Not much time to think about backing out although i had a few instances of a strong urge to bolt thru the doors. Connie, another one of my many angels, brought the supplies from home that i had forgotten and totally babied me.

All fall down
Mood:  accident prone
My Sunday morning run hit a major snafu when - 2.5 hours into the run - as i am humming the "Rocky" theme and feeling strong and on top of the world (only a half-hour to home and a pancake breakfast) a most feared thing happened: my toe caught on the cracked pavement and i toppled forward taking the whole force of the fall on my left palm. Crack and crunch went my shoulder. Not a scratch on me, but i knew that i probably crushed my cartilage or worse. Since i was running along the ocean with no road in sight i had no choice but to keep running. Not too much pain at first but cold, damp and wind soon brought me near hypothermia. I tripped again and hit lightly on my right side and face. By then even tho i was getting mighty cold i walked the next ten minutes to a train station. Luckily for me i carried cash for just such an emergency. A taxi got me home quickly where i grabbed some food (starving) and caught another taxi to Watanabe Hospital. The top of my humeral (i thought Sensei said humorous bone - not so funny, eh?) was broken. Wasn't sure i understood all the details. After getting a prescription for pain killers (actually anti-inflammatory only - never have gotten a single pain killer that i can tell) i went home. Wrapped in a splint and a tight brace to keep my shoulder immobilized the pain was manageable. Only problem was that i still had a sweaty cotton jog bra on and a sweaty running shirt. Even standing in front of the heater I just couldn't get warm. No one home on Sunday afternoon to help me, i managed to peal off that expensivo REI polypro top that i just bought at Xmas. Oh, so painful. i cut off the damn bra. That was so much better.

A trip to the Emergency Room
Mood:  accident prone
Five days in Bali drinking nothing but bottled water and i get bacterial food poisoning on my second day back in Japan! I flew back Wed. morning and went up to Yamaguchi so i would be ready and raring to go to school on Thursday morning. Much to my surprise i awoke at 4am on Thursday morning to violent vomiting and diarrhea. I thought that it would be over by the time school began at 8:30am. Wrong. I was doubled over and reeling in my first class. I couldn't stand up for more than 5 minutes at a time. The school nurse took me to the hospital when i registered a high temperature. A few anti-biotics and some "stopper-uppers" and i'm almost as good as new. Thank goodness for modern medicine. It is so apparent to me now how so many kids and old folks die of dysentery. In a matter of a few hours i was dehydrated, high ketone levels and running a temp that could have been fatal in one more fragile than i.

The doctor says that it was probably something i ate in Japan, but it does make me want to help third world countries get safe water systems in. It is so important to good health.

A side note:
Emergency room charge 2,110 yen (less than $21) Medication: 1,010 yen (less than $10)